But if you wanted to grow in self confidence and if you were getting tired of living at home and if you had been wanting to go off and do your own thing, but cut all that; if you wanted to grow up and stop caring so much about what other people think and be the person you've always wanted to be and if you thought that maybe the experience of living on your own for a while would help with that and that was the main reason you wanted to go, not for the academics, then would you?
I'd pretty much decided not to go, but then people will bring it up and I just don't know all over again. It's just I don't really want to, the only reason I do want to go is the stuff I mentioned last. I could maybe go my senior year, but the other thing is if I went this year it might change my mind or help me know what I want to study at college & do after. I'm sure it would. It's a lot of work though and if I do it I can't do anything else on the side. I guess I want to do other stuff instead, the classes I'd be taking if I didn't go. And I don't know, maybe I don't have to go off to grow up. I mean I'd be doing speech and acting classes and classes at the community college, that should help with coming out of my shell.
The thing is whatever I do it's not going to be how I imagined it. So how do I choose? I keep sort of feeling like I should do the college program thingy, but I don't want to. But then I may just feel like I should because I don't want to. I do that to myself sometimes. I don't know. I don't really want to go. Should I? It might be good for me. It might be good for me to just stay home too. The other thing is if I did do the college program there's no math involved and besides missing it I wouldn't be as fresh on it the year after for my senior year, which might not be so good as I want to study something math related in college. Probably as a minor, maybe computer science.
I just want to do the right thing and I don't know what it is. I'm sure they'd both be good. I just don't want to regret not going if I don't or wish I hadn't gone if I do. The reality is I'm going to regret or wish no matter what I do, because I will get tired and I always start to question everything when I'm tired.
So wadda you think?
***Man from UNCLE is awesome. I love it. Armie Hammer and Henry Cavill are perfectly cast in their roles together. I love Armie Hammer's character. Mission Impossible 6 is awesome too, and it has my favorite classical song and favorite poem in it. yay. Guys, 260 days till Civil War. I've been counting down.