Friday, August 21, 2015


Guys I need advice. If there was this small one-year college program near the capitol of a country not far away and both your siblings had gone there, but they had been two years older than you are now when they went, but everyone tells you you're just as ready now if not more so to go than they were then; and if there were only about six other students signed up for the year and they were all at least a couple years older than you and only one of them a girl and you were worried about that because you had't been around many people for the last two years - not by your own choice - and you honestly felt like you were going insane from lack of social interaction and just wanted to be around your peers; and if the curriculum was hard, really tough and really intense, and all stuff like western civ. and Latin and the relation of medicine and philosophy and art and Aristotle and Plato & co. and you knew your brain could handle it if only your body could, because you get depressed, and if only you could focus; and if you used to want to go but now you're just not that interested, because you'd just as soon read up on the topics and teach them to yourself; and if you would be doing it this year as your junior year of high school and then next year have a regular senior school year and it was nice because you would get dual credits for high school and college with this program; and if you would be leaving in just a couple weeks if you went and there was some summer reading you were supposed to do but you hadn't finished it and if you were in the middle of moving and about to leave your house in two days and you were just tired; and if the alternative was a year of regular school at your old house before you moved the first time with classes at home and once a week at a coop and a speech coop twice a month and classes on line and also at a community college for video-related classes, and if you were looking forward to aspects of both options but not exactly looking forward to either of them wholly; and if you'd already been accepted to the college program.

But if you wanted to grow in self confidence and if you were getting tired of living at home and if you had been wanting to go off and do your own thing, but cut all that; if you wanted to grow up and stop caring so much about what other people think and be the person you've always wanted to be and if you thought that maybe the experience of living on your own for a while would help with that and that was the main reason you wanted to go, not for the academics, then would you?

I'd pretty much decided not to go, but then people will bring it up and I just don't know all over again. It's just I don't really want to, the only reason I do want to go is the stuff I mentioned last. I could maybe go my senior year, but the other thing is if I went this year it might change my mind or help me know what I want to study at college & do after. I'm sure it would. It's a lot of work though and if I do it I can't do anything else on the side. I guess I want to do other stuff instead, the classes I'd be taking if I didn't go. And I don't know, maybe I don't have to go off to grow up. I mean I'd be doing speech and acting classes and classes at the community college, that should help with coming out of my shell.

The thing is whatever I do it's not going to be how I imagined it. So how do I choose? I keep sort of feeling like I should do the college program thingy, but I don't want to. But then I may just feel like I should because I don't want to. I do that to myself sometimes. I don't know. I don't really want to go. Should I? It might be good for me. It might be good for me to just stay home too. The other thing is if I did do the college program there's no math involved and besides missing it I wouldn't be as fresh on it the year after for my senior year, which might not be so good as I want to study something math related in college. Probably as a minor, maybe computer science.

I just want to do the right thing and I don't know what it is. I'm sure they'd both be good. I just don't want to regret not going if I don't or wish I hadn't gone if I do. The reality is I'm going to regret or wish no matter what I do, because I will get tired and I always start to question everything when I'm tired.

So wadda you think?

Man from UNCLE is awesome. I love it. Armie Hammer and Henry Cavill are perfectly cast in their roles together. I love Armie Hammer's character. Mission Impossible 6 is awesome too, and it has my favorite classical song and favorite poem in it. yay. Guys, 260 days till Civil War. I've been counting down. 


  1. Oh, man. I know just how you feel, hesitating, deciding not to go but never being sure. Unfortunately I can't offer a definite solution. Here is what I do, usually. I decide to go for the opportunity because I am afraid of missing out on something amazing. Just a year ago I was agonizing about attending college, now I have passed my exams and learned a lot of cool new information. I am glad I went. Also, experienced people have told me that I should jump at a chance to visit a foreign country and I agree. Seeing the world can change your life. Sooooo, I would say go for this opportunity, it will be tough and you may regret it but you will almost certainly learn a lot and have quite an adventure. But ultimately its up to you.

    O.K. enough advice. May I ask two questions? First, what country would you be visiting? Second, would you still be able to blog?

  2. This is me; I hate new things but when I force myself to try them out I'm often surprised by the the same time, I like to be able to just say, "no, that's not right for me at this time". I can't answer your question for you, since you are the only one who will know what's best for you, but something I try to say to myself when I'm really conflicted over two choices is to say "why not." Why not do it? If I can't come up with enough cons, then I figure I should take the plunge because most of the negative feelings are simply self-doubt, which are confusing devils that evaporate once you get the courage to face them.

    I did want to address your one fear about being only one of two girls who'd be going on the trip, because that would be concerning for me too--definitely make sure you know how and to whom to report any problems--if can ascertain how to get help or counsel before agreeing to the trip, that might help make the decision a little easier. :)

    Also remember; listen to your gut. Don't throw yourself into a situation because you feel like you should try to "take a chance" because "something amazing might happen." If you gut says "this is not right" consider trusting it. I feel the peer pressure to follow the teenage-movie-ideas of "lets be adventurous" idea but sometimes the best thing for me is to just stay home and do the small things for me.

    Don't ever regret just taking care of yourself. <3

    Hope some of this was helpful. I hope you're able to embrace your decision once you make it! Love you, girl!


  3. Wow. That is definitely a loaded question. I agree with Jamie that ultimately it comes down to you knowing what you can handle right now and what you can't. Weigh the pros and cons and be realistic. Also, determine whether or not the timing is right. Gaining the college credits and classical education sounds fantastic, but maybe it's not what you need this year. I took a lot of college prep courses WAY TOO early in high school. I took Rhetoric, Latin, etc. in my freshman year and while I survived the courses, I wish now that I had saved them for when I was a senior because I feel like I would have done better in them when I was a little bit older...

    I definitely feel you when it comes to struggling with indecisiveness. Nothing is ever like I expect it either. Sometimes it's hundreds times better than I could ever dream. And then sometimes I'm just disappointed. I think the important thing to remember is whatever you decided to do and wherever you go, find ways to grow where you are and stay optimistic about your circumstances instead of focusing on where you're not and how the grass is greener on the other side.

    Taking chances is exciting, but also like Jamie mentioned don't be reckless. Trust your intuition. And definitely look into the travelling situation and make sure you would be comfortable in that environment.

    I hope this helped a little and I also hope your school year is a fantastic one! :)

    Dani from A Vapor in the Wind

  4. One thing that might help is closing your eyes and visualizing how your daily life could be different in both situations. Which one would make you feel more motivated when you wake up in the morning? Which one is the less emotionally tiring? Do you like the rush and adrenaline of being very busy and sometimes overworked? Does that pump you? It could be very rewarding.
    But it seems that the reason for which you might go is because you fear that you'll be less productive if you don't. Well here's a good quote for you."May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears".
    Do what feels right... don't do something because of fear. That never works out. xx :)

  5. Wow. I really wish I could help you. But quite honestly, I can barely handle being in tenth grade (psst I might have to repeat ninth grade math shhh) Since you're a Christian, I say you should just pray super hard that God will have you wherever He wants you to be. That way, there can't be any regrets either way because you'll be in the place God wants you to be, whether you stay or go.

    Idk; I hope that helps a little (if not the latter part then at least the first part; maybe knowing that you're like 3,000x smarter than me will cheer you up a teensy bit :P)

    O | Life as a Young Lady

  6. I think it's all up to you whether you think you can handle it or not. I'm balancing classes that I'm trying to get through, and even though I'm terrified of going through with them, I still do. That's what I would do, but I pray an wish you the best. ^.^

    xoxo Morning

  7. Oh my goodness, I feel you, girl. Though I haven't made such a big decision myself before, I can definitely image how you feel right now and your thought process reminds me a lot of my own thought processes to be honest.
    Having not much experience, I don't know how heavy my advice weighs, but I will say this: Do what you love. Not necessarily what is easy, but what you love. Because in the long run, nothing else will matter. You're right, you will always look back and be like, "I wish I'd done this." or, "I regret doing this." But as long as you know what your dream is and set a route and stick to it -- and do whatever it takes for however long it takes to get there -- you will look back and be proud and happy of the decisions you've made. You have the ability to go wherever you want in life. I know a lot of people (especially young people) who look at that as some kind of scary monster, but really it's brilliant and amazing. You're capable of literally anything.
    My advice would be to do what you love and stick to it. The world needs people who are excited and passionate about what they do -- glorifying Christ through their talents and strengths. It might not be comfortable at first (or for a while, to be honest) and even if you don't find everything you were looking for at the end of that road, you'll at least look back at all you've been through and be like "wow, I've grown and learned so much." And that's more than most people will achieve in their lives.
    I pray that God showers you with peace of mind and guidance. May you run hard for your dream. You can make it -- I know you can. *computer hugs*


  8. This sounds like a very difficult decision to make. I'm absolutely terrible at decisions so I have no idea of what I would choose. The best advice I can offer is to pray, and put your trust in God. :)

  9. (Man from UNCLE is wonderful.)

    When I have really horrible decisions like this, I of course pray about it a lot. But when all else fails, I make up my mind one way or another, and I sleep on it. If it still seems the wisest course in the morning, then I don't dither anymore, I just go with that option. So... you could try that, if you haven't :-)

  10. I love your blog! Folowing for sure!

  11. Wow, yes. I know how you feel. I'm going to university next year a year early and sometimes I feel like it might not be the right choice and I won't do well, whereas other times I'm really, really excited for it. I don't know if you can ever really know what the right choice is. They might both be really good for you in their own ways. Just keep trusting in the Lord:-) I have to keep telling myself that too.
    I haven't been around on Blogger for quite a while but I love reading your blog posts when I get the chance:-) keep posting and all the best!! xx

    1. Thank you so much Beth. :) That's exactly how I feel. I hope it's a really good experience for you and you have a great time. Wishing you all the best xx