Friday, August 21, 2015


Guys I need advice. If there was this small one-year college program near the capitol of a country not far away and both your siblings had gone there, but they had been two years older than you are now when they went, but everyone tells you you're just as ready now if not more so to go than they were then; and if there were only about six other students signed up for the year and they were all at least a couple years older than you and only one of them a girl and you were worried about that because you had't been around many people for the last two years - not by your own choice - and you honestly felt like you were going insane from lack of social interaction and just wanted to be around your peers; and if the curriculum was hard, really tough and really intense, and all stuff like western civ. and Latin and the relation of medicine and philosophy and art and Aristotle and Plato & co. and you knew your brain could handle it if only your body could, because you get depressed, and if only you could focus; and if you used to want to go but now you're just not that interested, because you'd just as soon read up on the topics and teach them to yourself; and if you would be doing it this year as your junior year of high school and then next year have a regular senior school year and it was nice because you would get dual credits for high school and college with this program; and if you would be leaving in just a couple weeks if you went and there was some summer reading you were supposed to do but you hadn't finished it and if you were in the middle of moving and about to leave your house in two days and you were just tired; and if the alternative was a year of regular school at your old house before you moved the first time with classes at home and once a week at a coop and a speech coop twice a month and classes on line and also at a community college for video-related classes, and if you were looking forward to aspects of both options but not exactly looking forward to either of them wholly; and if you'd already been accepted to the college program.

But if you wanted to grow in self confidence and if you were getting tired of living at home and if you had been wanting to go off and do your own thing, but cut all that; if you wanted to grow up and stop caring so much about what other people think and be the person you've always wanted to be and if you thought that maybe the experience of living on your own for a while would help with that and that was the main reason you wanted to go, not for the academics, then would you?

I'd pretty much decided not to go, but then people will bring it up and I just don't know all over again. It's just I don't really want to, the only reason I do want to go is the stuff I mentioned last. I could maybe go my senior year, but the other thing is if I went this year it might change my mind or help me know what I want to study at college & do after. I'm sure it would. It's a lot of work though and if I do it I can't do anything else on the side. I guess I want to do other stuff instead, the classes I'd be taking if I didn't go. And I don't know, maybe I don't have to go off to grow up. I mean I'd be doing speech and acting classes and classes at the community college, that should help with coming out of my shell.

The thing is whatever I do it's not going to be how I imagined it. So how do I choose? I keep sort of feeling like I should do the college program thingy, but I don't want to. But then I may just feel like I should because I don't want to. I do that to myself sometimes. I don't know. I don't really want to go. Should I? It might be good for me. It might be good for me to just stay home too. The other thing is if I did do the college program there's no math involved and besides missing it I wouldn't be as fresh on it the year after for my senior year, which might not be so good as I want to study something math related in college. Probably as a minor, maybe computer science.

I just want to do the right thing and I don't know what it is. I'm sure they'd both be good. I just don't want to regret not going if I don't or wish I hadn't gone if I do. The reality is I'm going to regret or wish no matter what I do, because I will get tired and I always start to question everything when I'm tired.

So wadda you think?

Man from UNCLE is awesome. I love it. Armie Hammer and Henry Cavill are perfectly cast in their roles together. I love Armie Hammer's character. Mission Impossible 6 is awesome too, and it has my favorite classical song and favorite poem in it. yay. Guys, 260 days till Civil War. I've been counting down. 

Friday, August 07, 2015

In July

The Land of Stories: The Enchantress Returns, by Chris Colfer - It was fun, predictable with a plot similar to the first book, but still entertaining.
Mere Christianity, by C. S. Lewis - I'm glad I read this one. Lewis asks questions and states facts fearlessly. I love his precision.
Silas Marner, by George Elliot - Listened to this one in the car. It took a long time to get anywhere, but I think that's the style. It had some insights about people.

**Warm Bodies - It was really sweet, which I hadn't expected it to be. I's one of the better movies out there, and it has a good ending.
**The Way Way Back - I felt like I could really relate to the story. Its PG-13 content makes it something I wouldn't exactly recommend, but I really appreciated the movie and its story and themes.
*Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH - Wasn't interesting to me, though it did have more thinking than the average western animated film.
***^October Sky - Great movie. Great acting, great music, great story.
**Back to the Future (1, 2 and 3) - Really fun movies that definitely deserve to be classics, esp. the first.
***The Lego Movie - I hadn't expected to like this one, but it was clever and surreal-ly funny (my favorite kind of humor) and I really did.
*The Road to el Dorado - Had some funny moments, but not worth the time.
**Monsters University - Actually liked this better than the first movie. Has a good story.
**Midnight in Paris - Watched it because it's my grandfather's favorite movie and for T. Hiddleston. It was like a pretty picture of a thought. So it was a little slow, with pretty views and music, and finally the punch line at the end. I enjoyed it pretty well, but it wasn't as much as I'd thought it would be.
*Minions - It was decently funny, but long.
***^Pirates of the Caribbean (1, 2, 3 and 4) - I love Jack Sparrow. The music is awesome and they're fun. Curse of the Black Pearl is best.
***^Captain Blood - It's perfect as what it is and I love it.
*The Son of Captain Blood - Wasn't really worth it, but watched it for the original.
**^Robin Hood (1938) - Just as good as Captain Blood, but I don't like it as much.
***Chocolat - This movie is basically perfect. I love the ideas it deals with and Johnny Depp is always great.
***^Peter Pan (2003) - Another basically perfect movie, It carries the same heart of the book.
**The Spiderwick Chronicles - I like Highmore and it was a pretty good action/fantasy, but the ending wasn't quite satisfying.
**What's Eating Gilbert Grape - Another good story, well told. Johnny Depp and DiCaprio are great.
**Edward Scissorhands - I really enjoyed it and came very close to really liking it, with its whimsical sets and fairy-tale story, but again the ending wasn't quite satisfying.
**AntMan - Funny and fast paced it's juts what it should be. Though the post credits scene would have been worth a two-hour wait either way.
**Benny and Joon - Another good story, full of hope and love. The music suits it perfectly. Again Johnny Depp was great.
*Cry Baby - It was funny in its own way, but mostly just weird. I liked the music though.

*no, **okay-good, *** yes (for series rating is for first movie) | ^ seen before

Scorpion (season one) - It's a little contrived, but still pretty smart and funny, though not my favorite characters.
Mr Robot (first three episodes) - I'd been looking forward to watching this one and saw the first three episodes before stopping because of some of the TV-14 content. However it's very smart and (happy dance) accurate when it comes to computers and tech in general.
old Donald Duck cartoons - Watched some in the car, they're cute.
21 Jump Street (first three seasons) - I like that each episode is its own story. I love the main characters, Judy, Harry Ioki, Doug, and Tom Hanson (Johnny Depp). I love Tom's boy scout-ness, the 80s music, and it's funny. The quality does go down after season two though.


I hope you all are having a wonderful summer (or winter, depending on where you live). I'm getting ready to start school again, end my summer job (same one as last year) and move. I mentioned I felt like I could relate to the story of The Way Way Back - in it 14 year old Duncan goes on vacation and gets a job working at water park. It's his own special place where friends are and a home away from a difficult family life. In the end when vacation is over he has to leave and says goodbye. It was sad, but it was clear that the main thing to Duncan was that that water park and the people there had been an awesome and just good thing in his life. I'm glad I'm moving. We're actually going back to where we moved from two years ago. The part that sucks is I feel like just as I've begun to make friends with people from work and enjoy those relationships I have to say goodbye. 

Do you ever get that feeling that you want to leave everything you know and everything that knows you? I do. I'm looking forward to when I go off by myself and do my own thing. I'm glad I'm moving. But I'm not sure I'm glad we're moving back to where we used to live. I feel like if I'm gonna start over I want to start over, not re-meet a bunch of people. When we moved originally I was 14 and didn't have a bunch of friends (besides you lovely people. mainly because I wasn't around a lot of people, one of the cons of home school) so it's not like I'm moving back to a bunch of close friends, just people-I-know. I feel like it's hard to start over where people know you. I don't know. Right now I guess I'm mostly just impatient for the whole moving thing to be over with and to be settled into my new room. I'm gonna get a Winter Soldier poster for my wall. That's something to look forward to anyway. (By the way, I'm not sure which to get so what do you guys think: 1) Bucky 2) I'd probably get this one if it were regular size 3) or just standard everybody bein' cool, except Bucky's really small.)

Anyway, what are you all up to? Any good books or movies lately? Be safe and be awesome. xx