Friday, December 12, 2014

Write Freely

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I don't know how to say this. Two things: I think I'm a perfectionist, didn't use to be, don’t want to be; and I feel pressured to like or feel or do certain things. Like when my mom or dad make a comment about something I feel like I have to agree with what they said. But, thing is, I don’t. And both my parents have told me that. And I love them for that. They want me and my siblings to think for ourselves. They're awesome parents. And yet I feel pressured to think or be a certain way according to what other people think. On this blog it can be hard and has been getting harder to write freely. I want my sentences to be perfect; I want my grammar and punctuation to be perfect; I want my thoughts and ideas to be perfectly formed. But it’s not just that I want them to be but that I feel insecure if they aren't, or if I don’t think they are. It's hard to write freely here, and the fact that my siblings read this blog of mine, well, half the time it makes me, oh, so proud, and the other half, oh, so embarrassed.
I’d been wanting to create a blog for a while before I actually did. When I did it was because I had this idea (in the shower, of course, that’s where the genius dwells). I’d been thinking, letting my thoughts wander around, but they came to rest wondering what the definition of the word aware is. It wasn't that I didn't know what the word meant, just that that’s the way I think: with questions and definitions. So I thought about it and I liked the ideas that were running at me so I rushed to write them down, and I did, and they're the contents of this post and the inspiration of this blog’s title, a free mind.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting something to be perfect, it’s just that I feel like what people see of me has to be perfect. And that’s not the same thing, at all. People call me sweet a lot. (This is random.) That used to bug me, a lot. (ha) I used to think to myself, Seriously, 'sweet?!' If they knew what was going on in my head they'd say something different. But I've come to terms with the fact that it’s meant kindly. When I make something, write something, draw, cut, paint, when I create anything I want to show it to people. But lately I've felt like before I can show it to anyone I have to edit it, and edit it in a way that - a lot of the time - takes away everything that I loved about it.

I like and enjoy a lot of things. I’m interested in a lot of things. A good lot of them things that a good lot of people like too. Some things that some peeps don’t like. And some are just obscure. I don't have strong opinions about a lot of things and when people close to me do I feel like I have to agree, or at least that I have to have some opinion beyond my random thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with having opinions, strong or otherwise, but there's nothing wrong with just thinking either. Take my older sister (hi, sis), she’s a critic, and I don’t mean that in a bad way at all. Nothing wrong with being critical. But when she says what she thinks I can feel myself being pressured to agree. It’s not her fault, it has nothing to do with her except that she’s my older sister and knows things and I have this idea that I have to agree with her. But I don't, and I know she doesn't think I do either. And there's nothing wrong with holding a special respect for her opinions because she's my sister, it's only that feeling of having to agree that I don't like.
What I'm trying to say is that each person has a way of thinking unique to himself. Everyone likes things for different reasons. And me, I don't dislike something because I disagree with it; or like it because I agree. I like it if it makes me think; and I dislike it if it feels cheap. There, I said it. Now let me 'splain. I like things that make me think. I like things that give me ideas. I like things that inspire and interest me. I like things that're good quality. I like things that I can understand. Example: I like the movie Snow White and the Huntsman. Yeah, that one. I liked it because it was so imaginative. And where the story and storytelling fall I enjoy fixing it in my mind, retelling the story and making a new story. I like how James, in his movie reviews, rates different aspects of a movie, the plot, action, et cetera, but at the end his final rating isn't an added score of those ratings, it’s an overall rating of how well he liked the movie. That’s how I feel about stories and art in general: I liked this, I didn't like that, but overall I liked it this much. I want to be clear and understandable in my reviews. My rating something well doesn't necessarily mean I approve of everything about it, it means that for what I liked and didn't like I liked it this much overall. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't rate something well just because I enjoyed it because it made me think and gave me ideas, that because there was stuff in it that I didn't like or don't approve of my rating should reflect that part more. But I like things more strongly than I dislike things, and I want my reviews to be honest.

The point of all of this is that I want to write and speak and think freely and clearly and well. I remember a girl who has since left off blogging, Melody - I’m sure some of you remember her - read a post of mine and somehow (because she’s a dearheart) understood how I was feeling and she left a comment and said, “write freely, S-.” I never forgot that one.

I heard this little idea not too long ago, I don't know whose it is or where it came from, but it went something like this: Stop trying to impress people and start trying to express yourself. I’d like to do that.

I want to thank people like Rose for being a constant inspiration to write freely.


I think I’m done now. Thank you, all. Just thinking about posting this makes my tummy feel tight. They say fear is in the mind but sometimes I think it’s really in the tum-tum. Whatever. I does feel nice to have said this. Thank you. 


Never, ever let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky's the limit. Your sky. Your Limit. Now. Let's dance. {Tom Hiddleston}

22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Aw. :') Guess who feels warm and fuzzy inside? Love you too. o.o

      xx

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  2. Aw... this is one of the same reasons I started blogging. I'm so happy you did; you have a lot of great things to say that the world needs to hear. Me, I'm just an optimistic who just observes the tiniest details of the world and try to speak verbally, but never can. :) I'm leaving in several days for vacation, but just in case I forget: Happy holidays!

    xoxo Morning

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    Replies
    1. Aw, that's cool we started blogging for some of the same reasons. And thanks for that, so much. And I love your writing and words and reading your blog. :) Thanks! And same to you, Morning: merry Christmas and happy new year! :)

      xox

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  3. *slow clap that builds into thunderous applause*

    ~Jamie

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    Replies
    1. You always say the nicest and friendliest things, Jamie. Thank you. <3

      xx

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  4. I can totally relate to this! "Stop trying to impress people and start trying to express yourself." = perfection. Thank you so much for this!

    xo Arushee // Unadorned Gifts

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you understand, Arushee. :) Thanks for your comment. <3

      xx

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  5. What a wonderful and inspiring post, thank you so much! :)
    Amy xx

    Perfect Imperfections

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Amy for being such a dearheart. <3

      xx

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Max. :)

      xx

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  7. I can very much relate to this...

    xx Nicole Rose

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad. :) Well, you know.

      xox

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  8. This is
    the definition
    of
    perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so kind, Jordy. Thanks. <3

      xx

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  9. Well. That was nothing short of inspiring. Thanks for that, S! :)

    That's a great quote from Tom, too.

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    Replies
    1. That means a lot, thanks, Sarah.

      I'm glad you like it too - there're some great quotes from Tom. :)

      xx

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  10. This is so well put, and I do relate to this too! Thank you. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cindy. :) I'm glad you do. <3

      xx

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  11. hi sis. :) you know I think you're amazing? and that it's so cool how you think about things and I'm seriously glad you're my sister.
    love you.

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    Replies
    1. I'm seriously glad you're my sister. :) Love you.

      xx

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